We all know that children need some self-esteem, some feeling of self worth if they are going to become good learners. Why bother to learn if you don’t feel that you are important enough to make a difference? So teachers, and parents, help their children develop self-esteem by telling them how good they are, what wonderful things they are doing, and how proud they are of their efforts.
But have things gone too far? Has the self-esteem movement helped breed a generation of children who think they can do no wrong or who think that they are great just the way they are.
In the book -The Self Esteem Trap – the author says that drowning children in unwanted praise to boost their self-esteem might not be the best thing to do. Children need to be told how wonderful they are, but they need to know WHY they are wonderful, and this praise has to be grounded in truth. Just telling your child how great he or she is and not telling them why you think they are great can lead to them thinking that they do not need to put any effort into trying to better themselves.
Helping your child develop self-esteem is a very important thing for parents to do, but self-esteem can quickly turn to arrogance if it is given for no good purpose. I am sure that we have all met children who feel that it is their right to do and be a certain way.
A couple of days ago, as I was trying to get off a crowded bus, a young boy just ignored everybody and started to push to get on the bus. It did not seem to matter to him that others had to get off first, he just went right ahead and pushed several people out of the way until he could get on. Fortunately another passenger stopped him in his tracks and made him wait until we were off the bus before getting on.
No big deal, it probably happens all the time that hurried, eager kids need reminding of their manners. But what struck me about this child was his complete lack of understanding that he was doing anything wrong. He did not understand why he was being shouted at. His self-esteem was so high that he was only thinking of his needs and was unconcerned about the other people getting off the bus. Self-esteem had turned to arrogance.
So what is a parent to do?
Whatever you do please don’t stop praising your children, but do make sure that you tell them why you are praising them. Self-esteem has to be earned. Hollow praise is not only a wast of time and effort it can also be detrimental to your child’s emotional development.
Always tell children exactly why you are giving them praise, who knows, they may even repeat what they did to earn your praise!
