Parenting is the most difficult job in the world, no one ever does it perfectly no matter how hard they try. However, in my work with parents I have found three things that parents do time and time again that lead to problems.
All parents want their children to do well in school, I have never, in over 35 years of working with all types of parent, met one who did not want their child to do well. Most parents try to help their child learn by working with them,and getting them extra help and resources. All the research states that parental involvement in a child’s education can make the difference between success or failure for the child. So, any way that parents try to help children learn is a good thing.
But some ways are better than others and when parents decide on how to help their child learn they make three mistakes, mistakes that may mean that the help they are providing is not the kind of help their child needs.
The first mistake parents make is to rely on their own educational experiences as a way of helping their child. You know, the “I learned how to spell this way so you can too” approach. I have seen many parents make their child learn the same way that they were made to learn when they were in school.
The main problem with this approach is that education has moved on since the parents were in school, we know much more about how children learn and how we can help them learn. What seemed like a good teaching idea twenty years ago may have been proven to be a waste of time.
You need to find out what your child is doing in school and how you can help him or her with their schoolwork before you make your child learn something in a way that is different from the way the teachers help him or her learn. Talk to your child’s teacher and find out how they are helping your child – then try to do something that matches what they do.
The second mistake parents make is to rely on advice from family and friends.
When family and friends give you advice about how to help your child learn they are trying to be helpful. The advice they give you has probably worked well for them, has helped their child learn, so they want to share their success with you.
But what is good for their child might not be good for your child. Children learn in different ways and need different approaches if they are to learn quickly and efficiently. What works for your friends child may not work for your child. Yes, listen to the advice they offer, but then evaluate it against what you know about how your child learns best – you do know how your child learns best don’t you? – and then decide if the advice is going to be useful to you and your child.
Remember, what is sauce for the goose may be poison for the gander.
The third mistake parents make is to buy things they see in the media.
There are many wonderful things advertised for sale on television, the Internet, or in the paper. They all tell you how well your child will learn by using the latest technological device, or completing a certain workbook. Some – not all -of the things they advertise can be very helpful and most of them are advertised as being fun to use.
But the questions are helpful for whom? Fun for whom?
I have seen outrageous claims made for some products. Remember the Baby Einstein products brought out by Disney? It was claimed that by watching these videos young children would learn and get a head start on school. Now Disney has to repay all the parents who bought them because not only was there no proof that they helped children learn but there was convincing proof that the actually prevented children learning!
Do not go out and purchase the latest, brightest, ‘guaranteed-to-help-your-child-learn’ item until you have worked out if it actually fits your child’s needs. And check the claims that companies make about how this will help your child. There is plenty of good research out there that helps you make the right decisions about what to get your child to help him or her learn more. Make sure that you check it out before you buy.
If you need information and advice about ways to help your child there are many good parenting sites on the Internet. This one in particular, is devoted to helping parents help children learn. So watch for future updates and download the free report.
