OK, time for me to ‘fess up. I really don’t understand ‘helicopter’ parents, or hyper parents, or whatever they are called. I don’t understand how intelligent parents cannot see the damage they are doing by hovering over their child, helping them with everything, preventing their children from getting a life of their own.
I knew that hyper-parents were out there, but it wasn’t till I saw a documentary on CBC last night that I realized there were so many of them, and that they were so intelligent (they tend to be middle class and reasonable well off), yet so stupid!
Let’s get one thing straight. Children grow up. They grow up to be adults that are expected to contribute to society. That is what growing up is all about. Hyper-parenting stops children from growing up, prevents them being able to contribute to society, turns them into takers rather than givers. This is not a good thing, not a good thing at all.
If you do not let your child make mistakes, their own mistakes, they are never going to learn how to handle mistakes when they meet them. They are always going to be running back to Mommy and Daddy to sort things out for them. How long can this go on, when should the bird leave the nest? Or rather, when should mommy bird kick them out so they can learn to fend for themselves?
I suggest that nearly everyone is ready to leave the nest by 18 years of age. At 18 you are a young adult, note ‘adult’ not ‘child’.
OK, so at 18 there is still a lot to learn, but it should be learned from others who are 18, not from parents. Yes, parents should be there to provide some support if absolutely necessary, but they should be mainly making sure that their young adult offspring have opportunities to grow up, to develop the emotional and social skills they need to become part of society.
In the documentary employers talked of parents negotiating salaries, complaining to professors about university grades, and setting up work spaces for their offspring. Doing all the things that are part of the experience of growing up.
And it is not only young adults that suffer.
Parents can program their young children to the extent that the children have no time, or energy, to develop any independence, to develop a sense of responsibility for their actions (after all mummy made me do it!), or to play freely and enjoy their childhood.
What a sad state of affairs.
To all you hyper parents out there I just have one thing to say, but it could be the most important piece of advice you ever get.
CHILDREN LEARN MORE BY PLAYING THAN BY BEING TAUGHT HOW TO PLAY.
Let your child grow up. You will both be happier in the long run.
