There are many reasons why children behave badly, but one that is often overlooked is that the behaviour is caused by a learning difficulty.
Let me tell you about David.
David was about to be thrown out of his kindergarten class (kindergarten class!) because his behaviour was so bad. He kept annoying other children in class and, when disciplined in the playground, ignored the playground supervisors when they told him to stop. This boy had been in front of the school Principal many times and it never made a difference. David still bugged the other children.
His parents were desperate. They had tried everything they could think of to get their son to fit into the classroom, but nothing seemed to be working. They were unsure that a learning assessment would be any use but they were willing to give it a try.
It was fun working with David. He wanted to be good but he also wanted to see what he could get away with. His mother was very brave, she sat in the room and never interfered with the process even when it was obvious that she wanted to.
I discovered that David was a bright boy with lots of ideas and with a burning need to relate to others. The problem was that he had no idea how to do this because he had difficulties understanding what was said to him. Sure, he looked like he understood what people were saying to him, he nodded his head when asked if he understood, and he seemed contrite when he was disciplined for hitting another child, but it was all an act. He had learned how to behave, he was upset not at what he had done, but at being told off. He had no idea why he was in trouble because he didn’t understand the words.
The reason he bugged kids in class was because he wanted to see what they were doing so that he could do the same, he had no idea what the teacher had told him to do, not because he hadn’t listened but because he was unable to process complex verbal inputs.
Poor David. How could he be good when he didn’t understand why he was bad? He was trying to connect to the other children the only way he knew, by physical contact. The other children of course saw it as bullying and would run from him.
The story has a happy ending. When parents and teachers understood that David’s bad behaviour was a result of his verbal learning difficulty we were able to discuss ways of helping him develop the language skills he needed. Meanwhile, both his parents and his teachers learned how to talk to David in ways that he could understand.
The last I heard he was still in school and making great progress!
Not all behaviour problems are caused by learning difficulties, but many are, and they are often unrecognized and untreated.
Do you know that most of the people in the prison either have difficulties reading or some other learning issue!
If you are worried about your child’s behaviour you might want to use my free Parent Starter kit check how well he learns.
